Stop worrying so much and do epic shit.
My new laptop sticky to treat my Not-Til-It's-Perfect disease. Title: CREATE/UPLOAD/OFFER
"And you were worried that trying something new might make you look dumb. Or that your business might not make any money. Or that you might decide to risk it all and create some art — to speak from deep within yourself for once and tell your own version of the truth — and someone might laugh at you.
What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I love a lot of things you've said here, but I wanted to add a touch of nuance. Yes. DO ALL THE THINGS. But you and only you control the time table and actions you take. Life's too short to hesitate. But it's okay to want a little distance from the concept of death, because we need to focus more on the now, where and when we are, with all the messiness it entails. We move forwards in time, inexorably, but we're also affected by the consequences of decisions we made and actions we took, as little as a minute ago. We need to look backwards and forwards in order to make good choices about our present, in my opinion. Focus too much on the past, and you will never embrace change in your future. Focus too much on the future or the end, and you could get stuck living in a fantasy (look up the concept of maladaptive dreaming, here's an article to get you started; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202109/vivid-daydreams-and-what-they-may-mean) or curl up in a catatonic ball of depressed despair.
I like to believe that we can also approach life with less urgency, if that's more what we feel is true of our character. The idea that we can choose to just wander around in our life meeting people, having interesting experiences and then passing away after a life full of such moments, is actually quite delightful to me. There's no one way to live, but I do believe the best way is to connect with the most authentic version of ourselves, whether that be an epic mover and shaker, or just someone who does things and has a very quiet life. I love, for example, the celebration of this sort of tranquil existence in many of the early Studio Ghibli movies, where we often get to vicariously experience the idyllic country life where nothing really bad ever happens.
I do think that capability plays a part in what we can and can't do, and everyone has their own unique challenges to overcome and talents or skills that come more naturally to them. As someone who fell ill and, by a combination of a quirk of genetics and some horrible events, I became a member of the neurodivergent and disabled community, I had a shattering loss of identity at this abrupt change in my life circumstances. I cried a lot about how scary and strange and hard everything had become, now that I had lost my healthy privilege. Some dreams are completely off limits to me now. But it doesn't mean I can't do epic shit anymore; it means I have to REDEFINE what epic shit is, and do THAT.
I've slowly come to realise that the most important person to judge your success, is yourself. Because you can't please everyone else, and why should you? You know you best. And you know what success looks like to you. I'll give a personal example. A day when I don't accidentally injure myself and manage to Do A Thing (this can be a chore, a fun project, anything other than being bedridden), is a success. And as I learn more about how to navigate my new reality, I build on those little successes, stretching just a little bit more, forgiving myself when I need to snail up into my comfort zone to recharge. And then I try again.
What are some of the things you've chosen to do that are awesome - even if it's just to you? Little victories are still victories!
Uh oh, more technical issues. Okay! I can tell you that while I was able to comment on this post initially, and I was alerted both on Substack and via e-mail that I got a reply, I can't view the reply. I just get a pop up telling me I need to upgrade to a paid plan. If free subs aren't supposed to be able to comment, everything is working as intended! If not, I think this is a bigger uh oh?
I can read all the posts though, I think.